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I am always willing to try a new product. Today I discovered what must be the worst drink in the seven thousand year history of fermented beverages. what I found could be left in a prison and it would go untouched. Hooch, which according to all of the TV shows and movies that I have seen relating to prison, which is the beverage they make in prison, would beat this in a blind taste test. My cousin Kim and I were on our way to the Oakland A's game so we stopped off at the Beverages and More in Jack London Square. I called my friend Kristi and asked what she wanted and she replied a "Zima like beverage" so I found something on sale called Cruzan Mojito. Thinking it would be like a Mojito I bought it with ice and a cooler. I bought three six packs. It was three too many. I had one and it went down like the flu. Although the label said, "Mojito" it tasted nothing like the refreshing popular Cuban drink that is a staple of hipsters all over America. It felt like a syrup of a bad mouthwash/cleaning product.
When my friends arrived they were equally disgusted with the taste of the beverage. I tried giving some away to other fans but I was turned down. A derelict came by the parking lot asking for money. I offered him the cooler of this rancid beverage. He looked happy as he would have a twelve pack to himself.
I imagined using that drink like substance as a cure for alcoholism or perhaps discouraging kids from drinking. Maybe I could use it as wind shield wiper fluid. Maybe it would kill roaches but that would be cruel to the vermin. The unofficial focus group of myself (age 32), my cousin (age 50), my friend (32) and her boyfriend (24) plus the derelict (age unknown) all gave this product thumbs down across the board. They all know question my judgement in all areas of life including music, movies and food. The beverage reflected poorly on my taste as a human being not simply a Bon Vivant. We all wanted to get the taste out of our mouth as soon as possible. I considered eating dirt or possibly cardboard. I may go to a hypnotist to have this memory wiped from my mind.
When we returned to the car after the game the cooler was still there with the bottles still in place. The derelict turned it down. That is a first in the history of mankind. A cooler full of alcoholic beverages left unprotected in Oakland attracted no takers. They even left a couple of other beers. If you are having storage issues at your stores feel free to leave Cruzan outside as word would spread like wildfire that there was something seriously wrong with that beverage. Maybe based on his experience, he turned his life around and is now a pillar of society. When they speak about the horrors of alcohol, they must have had that beverage in mind.
Either your buyers are indifferent about the products they sell, they are corrupt and trying to overthrow beverages and more or possibly they are suicidal sadists with horrible taste.
Based on that experience I would be wary of going into your store again as I am afraid that the product would taste like I had been infected with Malaria plus deprived from sleep for a month. In the hyper-competitive market for adult beverages, Beverages and More cannot afford to have horrible product turning their customers collective stomach. Your store is what they sell and right now I have a very low view of your buyers judgement and sanity.
Between the cooler and the ice and the worst beverage ever, I spent around $23 dollars. Under normal circumstances I would simply write off that $23 as a simple bad choice but I wanted to prevent others from having this same bad experience as I do not want to see the collective energy of the Bay Area upset by people being exposed to this beverage. Maybe you can delivery it to your rivals and let them sell it. Maybe thats how it ended up in your store? I do not pretend to understand the workings of the retail store but that product is taking up valuable prominent space in your store.
Take my word for it. Perhaps open a bottle and taste it to prove that I am not over reacting. After that first taste I would recommend eating pretzels and then rinsing your mouth out with a real beer. Feel free to share this within your company.
Here is a link to their website to ensure you know what product I am discussing
http://www.cruzanbevco.com/bevco.ht
Comments
Cheeba,
Perhaps it was old. Perhaps it was skunked (and the reason it was on sale).
I never heard back from Beverages and More which I am now going to avoid).
Bevmo sells crappy products. Perhaps if the beverage was fresh and I was on the beach it may be good.
How did you find my entry?
The Cruzan Mojito is quite possibly the worst thing I have ever tasted and that includes rancid milk. I no longer shop at Beverages and More as they either have contempt for their customers or they are insane.
The Cruzan Mojito is probably the weopons of mass destruction that Iraq was holding.
I am still boycotting Beverages and More for selling an insanely bad product and not responding to my e-mail.
11/08/03
I am still boycotting Beverages and More due to lack of quality.
When I was in the Bahamas they have a great beer called Kalik which is not exported. One of the reasons may well be that it would not travel well. Beer and Malt Beverages age poorly.